Searching

I want to inspire people. I've wanted to write an inspiring, encouraging, or thought provoking blog post for the past month, but lacked any form of inspiration. I've had ideas, only to not be able to follow through with them. My thoughts have jumbled together, and words have failed.

I'm fighting a battle. It sometimes feels like a losing one. I'm struggling through life, hoping things will solve themselves. Various problems seem to surround me, with no answer. And I find myself praying that somehow they will end up fixing themselves.

But that's not how life works.

It's time to dig in and figure some things out. I'm making this life my own. I'm learning step by step. Constructive criticism is painful, but helpful. Learning to take it well is difficult. But I'm learning to take it, and move on from the fact that it implies I did something wrong. I'm human, just like you. We can always find ways to improve. Improve with grace.

I feel like a child all over again, questioning and in a sense rebelling from some things I have been taught in the past. It is a process. I acknowledge that it will take time. But I must be diligent in the task of searching.

In all reality, I can't do this on my own. The only way I can go through this is by the grace of God. He is growing and stretching me in many ways. Part of me says, "bring it on!" and another part is scared and wants to hide in the corner and be insignificant. But my God is faithful and he is always with me.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

 James 1:2-11